Krikorian Has a Future With Amway

No matter what happens today in his primary race for the 2nd Congressional District's Democratic Primary David Krikorian has proven himself worthy of job with Amway by adopting Amway's alleged corporate philosophy.

If you want to know more about what I'm talking about, try Snopes.

When I get to reference Amway (now called Alticor) and I get to link to Snopes.com, you can pretty much consider yourself to be tainted. Krikorian may win today's primary, but his chances of ever winning any public office are slim.

Springer vs. Springer

I really wanted to write a post making fun of the HamCo Republican Party for inviting Michele Bachmann to be the keynote speaker at its annual Lincoln-Reagan dinner tomorrow night.

I was particularly appalled by the choice because for the last couple years, every now and then I think about whether I should be a Republican instead of a Democrat. But then the GOP puts someone like Bachmann front-and-center and I realize that's not a real option. (Or I am reminded that the party's extreme right wing controls its stance on social issues.)

But there's a problem with writing that post. The HamCo Democratic Party--the party to which, for the time being, I belong--is having its own event tomorrow night. Its "guest of honor" is Jerry Springer.* I'm not thrilled that Democratic-endorsed judges are appearing at an event headlined by the king of trash TV.

So the question is: what's worse? That the HamCo Republicans can't find a better keynote speaker than the Jerry Springer of Congress, or that the HamCo Dems can't find a more suitable guest of honor than the real Jerry Springer?

* In 2003, when Springer was considering running for the Senate, I met him. He was at a Mt. Adams bar (much more sober than I was). He sat for hours talking to people about his ideas and plans and why he was considering getting into the race. He's a very intelligent, thoughtful man. I wish he hadn't spent the last quarter-century using his television show to pollute our culture and, frankly, to exploit people who aren't as smart or as rich as he is. But he has, and we shouldn't pretend that he's a serious individual when his actions are to the contrary.

The White Death, Part Deux

So, with the sun shunning brightly over Cincinnati today, it is time to fret over the massive blizzard to hit over night.

Predictions:
1) I will lose my voice screaming at the cars going 10mph on I-71 as I drive into work tomorrow morning.
2) I will step in a total of six piles of slushy snow during the next 48 hours.
3) Some will want to throw a snow ball at my head, but will hold back, intuition telling them not to get into a snowball fight with a man who grew up near Buffalo.

2010 Bockfest Sausage Queen Competition Dates Set

Few events capture the history of drinking in Cincinnati better than Bockfest and once again you can get your fill of frivolity with Bockfest early with the prilimiary rounds of the Sausage Queen contest. Think of these events as warm-ups, giving you a chance to get your Bockfest tolerance a bit of a Spring-Training.

The Sausage Queen has few qualifications other than being 21 and likeing Bock beer and Sausage.  Additionally, there is more innuendo at these events than can fill your mouth. (You know, fill it with ground up meat inside a casing.  What else were you thinking?)

Anyway, this year's event branches out to Northside and Covington, so be sure to get your friends to enter the contest.  I think if you pretend there is a prize, like say a year's worth of bock beer, you might get your really cute next door neighbor to take part.  Seriously, costumes earn more points.  And I can tell you that points matter in a really serious event such as this.  The bribes have been known to go way beyond free beer.  People bring baked goods!  Yes, a clear violation of all things that are holy, but hell, all's fair in love and war and the Sausage Queen competition. 

The preliminary events are:

Friday, February 12, 9PM, The Comet, 4579 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati

Thursday, February 18, 9PM, at Arnold's, 210 East 8th Street, Cincinnati

Friday, February 26, 9PM, at the Blue Bar, 266 Pike Street, Covington

Saturday, February 27, 9PM, at Milton’s, 301 Milton Street, Cincinnati

The Finals will be during Bockfest on Saturday March 6th, 8PM at Bockfest Hall.

For more information, check out www.bockfest.com.

And Many More....

Happy birthday to Brian Griffin, who has just completed his thirty-eighth revolution around the sun!

Really, Milford?

Before a single flake of snow has fallen, and with only a few inches of snow predicted (snow that isn't scheduled to start falling for at least twelve more hours), Milford has declared a snow emergency.

Runners-up in the Race to Over-React to the Coming of the White Death: Little Miami and Mason schools, which have already decided on a two-hour delay for schools tomorrow. (If the forecasts are right--and they never seem to be--getting to school will be trickier, not easier, two hours later than usual.)

Stay tuned to the Cincinnati Blog, your best source for the ridiculing of people who can't deal with southwest Ohio's relatively tame winters.

Attention I71 Drivers!

This is a public service announcement to all I71 drivers. If you were white-knuckle driving your way home tonight, then be open to some advice. If there ever is a weather forecast that includes a chance for snow, any chance of snow...fluries...a light dusting...or even just few flakes, then stay home. If you can not handle driving in the rain, then you should never drive in the snow, ever. Also, you must vote for all forms of public transit if you ever plan on going anywhere: trains, buses, or pack mule.

This ends this friendly public service announcement.

Is This An Example of TMI?

I now have a man crush on Eric Deters. I don't always agree with him when he's on WLW, but if he ever wants to work a case with me (or let me work one with him) on this side of the river, I'd sign on in a second.

Does He Need This Much Attention?

I understand that Chris Smitherman, President of the local NAACP, need attention. I understand that he will say and do a lot to get the press to write about him. Does anyone else think that camping out to vote just goes over the line?

Also, I hope Joe Deter is there to Check Smitherman's ID and then sends an investigator to validate Smitherman lives where he claims. We need to make sure he's not faking it. We had plenty of money last year to spend from the county budget, so I am sure we can afford it this year. (Cough, Cough)

Kings Island Making National News

Kings Island had planned to feature plastic skeletons posed to resemble dead celebrities as part of its Halloween Haunt. WLWT's Karin Johnson reported the story, which is starting to get some national attention (link: New York Daily News). Some of them, I thought, were pretty funny--like Ted Williams in a freezer case. Others--like Steve McNair or Michael Jackson--probably crossed the line between good and bad taste due to how recently the celebrity had passed away. And a Kings Island spokesman was quoted as promising more dead celebrity spoofs, including Ted Kennedy.

The "outrage" over the display has, of course, convinced Kings Island to pull the plug on the whole thing.

I have to wonder: how many people who insist that the plastic skeletons are "offensive" had no problem paying money for entrance to "Bodies: The Exhibition" and examining actual, posed and manipulated cadavers in awe and wonder? I guess the rule is that if a dead person is American and famous, it's taboo to reference his or her death for entertainment purposes, but if someone is Chinese and poor, we can do whatever we want with the body for commercial purposes.

MidPoint is Live #mpmf

And so it begins with live.mpmf.com. What will the flood of tweets be like? Will we read about more than one 23 old women at MidPoint swear she will not sleep with another musician, ever!? Will we read 30-something guys swear that Erika W. remembers serving him a beer the last time she worked the bar at the Tavern? He was the one guy who did not order PBR, and she noticed. Will we find links to naked photos of wanna be groupies in the Lodge Bar bathroom?

Let's hope so! Well, assuming its not a groupie for an all female Japanese Punk Band.

Anyway, this experiment should be interesting where anyone with using the #mpmf hash tag on Twitter will be included in the stream, or if you are a Cincinnati Bell Wireless Customer and text to 4632. I hoping for a combination of the insightful and insane and a little bit raunchy, but actually, no naked shots please, we don't actually need to see your balls. That means you: band members of Lions Rampant!

Keeping Council Tweet-Backs To Myself

So, I was good. I wanted to reply to a council member's petty school kid tweet, but I didn't. I would have been mean and been snottier than this council member was to another council member. So I didn't Tweet-back. That would have been the cheap and easy way to respond. I am not keen on shooting fish in a barrel all the time, so I will pass. I will keep my fingernails out of it.

I do think that there is one current council member who should just stop tweeting her childish comments about her political foes, it demeans the profession. Ok, I do know politicians are only above lawyers on the social food chain. Would it matter any more if you knew this councilwoman was a lawyer too? I didn't think so.

Oktoberfest Political I Spy

I Spy a Drunk Westwood resident with both a Mallory and Wenstrup sticker on their ass!

That would be worth double points in the game I like to play when at Oktoberfest: What are most bizarre, interesting, or politically significant sights at Oktoberfest Zinzinnati?

This game is totally subjective, has no prizes, and at best if you send in a photo of what you see, I might (keep it clean) post it on the blog.

Mostly this is a way to see what political campaigns are out in force and which ones are absent. Good campaigns treat any festival as an opportunity to meet voters. This is the biggest festival of the campaign season, and the one that actually brings city residents who can vote, as opposed to Riverfest where teenagers make up a high portion of the attendees.

The things I am looking for are simple: candidate stickers, supporters wearing T-shirts, and the candidates themselves. There is no science to this, there is only subjective feeling about the health of a campaign.

Issue campaigns also should be there in strong numbers. I hope to see No on 9 supporters out in force! Those voting for Issue 9, I would think don't go to Oktoberfest or any other event anywhere.

If you happen to get into a discussion about the anti-passenger rail issue, the first question to ask the other person: do they live in the city. If they don't, well, I think you can take it from there.

I'll report in from the festival as best I can. I hope to not break Donald's Blogging While Intoxicated rule set for the blog, but I make no promises!

Courthouse Plaza Solution

Over the last month, we've been hearing about the increased number of homeless people sleeping out on the courthouse steps, and the mess that this is creating because some of them urinate on the plaza overnight.

Introducing: the pop-up urinal. Believe it or not, the "urilift" is a device (now deployed by a few European cities) that rest in the ground during the day, but pop up at night for those who can't find a public restroom.

Yes, of course I realize that neither the County nor the City has the money to spend on these right now. (Perhaps, though, the Urilift Company might like to donate one or two in order start attracting business from American cities.)

Initially, I was concerned that installation of these would pose an equal protection issue (can the County supply a restroom facility for men but not women?). Apparently, though, Urilift has resolved this problem by introducing the Urigienic:

I call upon Urilift to supply the County or the City with a couple of these devices at no cost in exchange for testimonials from our public officials to other American cities. It could be a great partnership!

Miami (OH) vs. Kentucky

About an hour from now, Miami will take on Kentucky at Paul Brown Stadium. There's a good chance that those who attend the game will see the highest quality football to be played at PBS over the next three months. While I'm not going, as a UC fan, I've been trying to figure out who I'd prefer to win.

My inclination is to cheer for Miami. We should support our fellow Ohio schools when possible, right? And perhaps if Miami's season starts strong, UC's BCS standings will be boosted when they trounce the Redhawks on October 3rd. But, still, it's Miami! J. Crew U. Can I really root for that?

On the other hand, certainly I'm not the only downtown resident to be offended by the putrid shade of blue that's invaded our streets over the last couple of days. And Kentucky is an SEC team; no self-respecting Ohioan should cheer on a team from that conference.

I think I'm going to review the rules of the game: is there any way that both teams can lose?

Eww!!!!

I'm not sure what else to say about the temporary closure of the Corryville Kroger to permit the Pied Piper to wander the aisles for a while.

But if I still lived in Clifton, I'm pretty sure I'd give up shopping there in favor of the Ludlow Avenue IGA. And if I really needed a Kroger fix, I'd probably head to the Kenard Avenue store (UC students: just head north on Clifton and keep going).

Boo! Fixxed!

It is not humanly possible for the best bar in Cincinnati to be a bar I've never been to. Someone at the Cincinnati Man has some explaining to do!

Buried Treasure

It would appear that lawyers for the FOP and CODE for some reason believe the City has buried treasure somewhere in city, likely they will claim it's in OTR. I don't know where else they could hide it. I wonder if X still marks the spot and I wonder how long before I see a bunch of cops with shovels roaming up and down Vine Street.

Why Did the Enquirer Publish This?

In a new low, the Enquirer chose this story to pick up from the AP Wire. I guess they have a large equine readership down in the Bluegrass state that would be interested.

"You're God Damn Right I Did!"

COAST Tweets Truth, And Can't Handle It: This evening a lively debate on Twitter between Building Cincinnati's Kevin LeMasters and the Resident COAST un-named flunky brought forth a simple truth that COAST and the NAACP have been too chicken to be honest about: Their ballot issue is only about killing the streetcar and killing off the city. They have claimed it to be about the "right of the people" to vote, but that is, as crass as it will sound, "Bullshit." This exchange proves it, without a doubt:

@GOCOAST: Mallory: ""Yes' vote would kill streetcar" Of course. That's precisely plan. Someone, kill this stupid idea, please! http://bit.ly/2We1lX

@buildingcincy: @GOCOAST So it's not about empowering citizens, huh. It's about killing plan u don't like. Man, you've been a broken record last two days.

@GOCOAST: @buildingcincy Yes, kill that stupid idea. Limp. Dead. Cold. Move on to something else!

There you have it. COAST and the NAACP could not care less about giving people the power to vote, they are out to kill progress in the City and their main target right now is the Streetcar Plan. Their second target is High Speed Rail. Their goal, in my opinion, is the downfall of the City. Both the NAACP and COAST I believe would be delighted in a bankrupt city, where both groups then vie for control. Saner heads will prevail and the ballot issue will go down to defeat in November.